Peng Peng's Episodes
| I have been lazy for a while but the pressure of producing more junk stories has never for one second been relieved. Being a joke writer is not easy at all.
First, as usual, update our readers’ comment: Q’s husband, right after reading my previous story, sent me a very informative message about how LEGO playing today involves high-tech development. I appreciate that he pointed out my ignorance on LEGO and here, (following his instruction), salute to all LEGO players. From now on, I’d better be careful what I am writing, at least two of my friends’ husbands are playing LEGO. However, the most amazing lesson I learn here is man’s sense of justice: they usually sit in front of the screen and laugh while other men are poorly teased in the stories. BUT as soon as the so called “other men" are found treated unfairly, they will bravely speak out for each other. Following E’s generous donation of his stars to W, our LEGO player receives another warmhearted support from the other end of the world.
As you all know, we left our dear camera in the rental car on the trip to Utah. My friend R in Taiwan is very nice to share his experience of receiving a parcel from a hotel of USA, in which he found his missing items. The story did encourage to grow my imagination(you can say “hallucination") of finding my rolls of slide in the mail box (I don’t even dream about my camera anymore) but so far it does not happen. “I guess you just have to go again," people always tell me. The idea of re-visiting Utah cannot cheer me up for some pictures were taken on the trails we won’t try again. At least this following one———– On the fourth day of the trip, we arrived at Zion National Park and decided to pick an easy trail since we had spent hours on icy and challenging ones. Following the information on Park Weekly, the trail Canyon Outlook, rated “moderate" (among three categories: easy, moderate, and strenuous), seemed like a rewarding choice. We equipped ourselves with water, apples, and, of course, cameras, lenses, tripods (total about 6 kg). Before taking off, I, peng peng who has the talent of misreading map, double checked the map (in order to gain my husband’s full trust) and confidently pointed out the trail head.
“Looks a little bit steep but it should get easier then" my dear husband said. It’s January, not a single visitor there. We felt so lucky for, in summer, it must be packed. The trail is quite narrow for its first 100 meters and then kind of becoming “vague". Before long, we started jumping between huge rocks (with 6 kg of camera equipment). I became skeptical about Zion Park’s trail rating system (as weird as my man rating system).
“How can this be a moderate trail? Should we head back? " I said.
“Well, it is harder than we expected but it is worth trying if we get to see the whole canyon." shao po pointed the opening between two huge rocks in distance while “landing" on another rock. There is no such a vocabulary called “quit" in my husband’s dictionary.
Eventually, our hiking is somehow upgrading to mountain climbing which I had neither done nor intended to try. We managed to overcome a couple of medium size rocks and stopped in front of a large one.
Hey, we were not quitting. Just tried to figure out our next move and then performed gracefully. Shao po handed me his heavy camera and tripod and decided to try himself. “Let me go first and see if the view is worth all the effort, you stay here," my brave husband said goodbye to me. We were really close to the opening where a nice view is waiting for the “moderate trail hikers". Unfortunately, shao po couldn’t really go too far. Before I gave him my best wishes, he had already gripped on the rock with his two hands and two toes.
“Mountain climbing is really tricky," he commented on the situation. At this critical moment, I suddenly recalled what I read in the papers: this trail is mostly fenced, which means——-
“Shao po, this is not a trail at all." I shouted and witnessed my husband hanging there without knowing if he would survive. Having no idea how to help, all I could do was to document the adventure. I had hard time holding my camera still; both of us were laughing, probably for different reasons. For me, it is getting on this non-existent trail and making it all the way to “the end"; for him, it is probably marrying this woman who constantly unconsciously endangers her husband’s life.
However, shao po did manage to get off that rock later and survived (not as cool as Jacky Chan though). Not only that, we even found out the real Canyon outlook trail (with a big sign in front of the trail head) and joined other moderate trail hikers. It was just so——-easy and the view was gorgeous.
So, a Canon Elan camera body: $350; a Sigma 28-200 zoom lens: $280; a picture of your husband hanging on the rock: priceless. Haven’t we all learned there is something money can’t buy?
I was extremely sorry to accidentally risk my husband’s life but had no idea that I would have to pay back. A couple of weeks later, I was on a ski trip with C, D, E, and F (see, it was a conspiracy, I should have known that). C: clive is shao po’s English name; D: David, C’s coworker; E: C’s buddy, Eric; F: E’s coworker F????, I never learned to spell or pronounce this French name, however, it sounds like Filet Mignon and that’s how I called him through the trip. We drove for four hours to Tahoe. C, my husband, decided to snowboard with D and could not wait to say goodbye to me while we were still trying our heavy and dumb (according to him) ski boots. I was left behind by my husband and spent the whole morning with these two French guys on expert only routes. E and F had no idea what kind of trouble they were getting themselves into by taking me on the lifts leading to black diamond (advanced runs). I was so regrettable to tell them I can ski. I should have known that Europeans have different interpretation about a person “can ski". To me, being able to ski on the intermediate runs is one of greatest achievements in my life. Black diamond had never occurred to my mind (I prefer regular diamonds). Six years ago, I didn’t even know how snow looks like. When I told E and F that people in Taiwan don’t ski, they looked at me as if I am from another planet. They just had hard time understanding there are some people in this world who don’t ski (and don’t eat snails or smelly cheese either). I bet most of kids in Taiwan learn the word “snow" from Disney’s Snow White. So, as you can imagine, E and F were acting more like rescue crew for the whole morning. I kind of survived at the first run but then they went through trees, which I should have told them I hate. I got stuck with two skies pointing to the sky. They had no way to help me but did sort of “Tele-coaching" downhill. It is really hard to maneuver when you have something taller than you on your feet. At some point, my rescue team decided they had tried everything. Instead of just waiting for the miracle, E took out his camera and pressed the button. It did help, I started moving before more evidence was recorded. Just when I thought I was progressing toward the right direction, E and F, with good intention, moved to the original track, which would be easier for me but, at that moment, I had no way to get back instead of going uphill step by step. I lost my saneness and shouted " I hate French" (I don’t even recall in English or Chinese). Now I apology for saying that, I don’t mean that —-well, I might mean it at that time but ———not now. E and F did not seemed to be discouraged by the first try and took me to a double black diamond. In front of the lift, there is a big sign of skulls and crossbones with two huge words “Experts Only". Before I had time to worry, we were on the lift. I had two choices: jumping off the lift or rolling down this specific run called “the Wall". I figured out I might have slightly better chance to survive for the latter option so I stayed on the lift and remained silent. “You look worried," E said. I hated to say he should be worried too. The lift gradually lead us to the top of “the Wall", which definitely deserves its name. Imagine a tiny lady from subtropics standing on a snow wall. What a comic tragedy! All I can comment is that I would appreciate more to stay on “the floor". Later, C, Shao po, my dear husband, was very impressed to learn what I have accomplished and started calling me “aggressive skier". He decided it’s time for me to own my skis——-he and the salesman picked a pair of parabolic skis which are 15 cm taller than my height. They said it will be good for an aggressive skier like me and I believe them. One night I was home alone and felt like trying my new boots on skis for the first time. While I was appreciating how well the whole thing are put together, the most obscure situation happened: wearing “dumb" ski boots on two long skis and standing in my living room, I shockingly found a solicitor in my yard (I had no idea when and how she entered) knocking the door. Those who have visited my place all know that we have a glass door that makes me totally expose to this stranger. But she was not less shocking to find me “ready to ski". I was little bit panic and tried very hard to release my boots from skis without using the poles. It took me a while to be able to walk to the door, of course, still in my dumb boots, and kindly asked her how I can help her (indeed I look more like the one who needs help). She politely explained she was collecting signatures against huge military budgets. Usually I have hard time saying no to people, especially to a cute girl like her in a cute red coat, but that day, I have n o problem showing I could not care less and she left. Feeling upset from being intruded, I stepped in my living room and tried to recover from what had just happened. I totally forgot I was walking on the tile floor instead of snow——–You are right. I fell and it really hurt. Did I say earlier I would appreciate more to stay on the floor (when I was on the Wall) ? Sorry, I am wrong again. So those are my three unusual adventures of the trail, the Wall, and the floor. I have no slides to show you but, I guess, you get the picture. peng peng |
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